I read this poem out at my nan's funeral...
My Nan, well, she likes to swear.
She rants and raves - she doesn't care!
Black is black and white is white.
She'll cut you down to size alright.
Her language makes it hard to share,
Most of the tales I know of her.
However, here are just a few
That I can safely read to you.
She sits 2 yards from the TV,
Surrounded by pictures, of you and me.
"Would you like another cuppa, Mum?"
Nil satis nisi optimum.
I'm not saying that she's hard to please
But she can test a saint, with ease!
And when I think of all that strife,
I feel quite glad she's not MY wife.
But, what a nan! What a mum!
I don't recall her being glum.
Instead, she reaches for a sweet
Or offers a child a further treat.
In fact, if she could have her way,
She'd spoil us every single day
With doorstop toast or creamy teas
Or a bag of black jelly babies,
Sorted from some market stall.
She risks the weather or another fall,
To buy a fourth chopping board,
Or to add to her impressive hoard,
Of singing toys and garden gnomes,
You just won't find in 'normal' homes.
Yes, she has a lot of class;
She gave me a Big-Mouth Billy Bass!
She poured paint on dad's garden fire.
She can always lift my spirits higher.
She knows the difference between clever and wise.
She specialises in little white lies.
Indeed, she's got a lot of nous.
Some might say, it's 'coz she's scouse.
And, when a light burns so bright,
It takes a very, very dark night
To cause some bend, to shift one bit,
Her stubborn mind, her steely grit.
No, I think that it's her massive heart
That has played the biggest part,
In getting her pass, her ticket to ride,
To sit up there, at God's side,
With Frankie Baby and lots of chips
And not forgetting... the Walnut Whips!
What they said...
'The year of the chopping boards - ha ha!' - Sal
'Another masterpiece!' - Karen
'You are well clever nice one.' - Graham
'The year of the chopping boards - ha ha!' - Sal
'Another masterpiece!' - Karen
'You are well clever nice one.' - Graham